There were things that happened in my life that I could not understand the ‘why’s and ‘how’s’ of it. I still don’t understand everything and I’ve come to accept that it’s okay if I don’t understand it all. God didn’t call me to know and understand it all. He called me to TRUST Him through it all. Growing up in a minister’s home and family, there was always an unspoken expectation placed on me. And all the PK’s (Pastor’s Kids) say ‘Amen’! There was always a pressure. Expectations and pressures to be perfect, to carve out a perfect life, to be a role model in life, to wear the right clothes, to be able to memorize the Bible, to be full of joy and radiate God’s love all the time and the list goes on. All these expectations and pressure only pushed me towards going into hiding rather than to SHINE. I only found myself spiraling down and wanting to be alone all the time rather than with the crowd. I felt like I couldn’t even be real to share the struggles, disappointments, failures of life just because I was a PK.

As I grew, I learnt to carve out this “perfect image”. I learnt how to give people what they wanted to see and hear. I learnt how to show people what they only wanted to see. And most people only want to see the good and hear the great reports. No one wanted to see the struggles, hear about the insecurities. They wanted a role model. People want to believe that their pastors and pastors’ families are perfect people with perfect lives where their finances were always intact and overflowing in abundance, where their health was always perfect and no sickness would befall them, where their marriages were always smooth and full of roses, where their kids were always perfectly behaved with the best grades. Well I’m sorry to burst your ‘head in the cloud’ bubble, real life is not such. ‘Life’ happens to everyone, anointed or not, called or not. Sickness, pain, betrayal, being misunderstood, financial crisis, whatever it may be, happens to everybody whether you are a pastor or a sinner. But see, the difference is in how you are going to respond with what life throws at you. And I’ve learnt that God will allow you to go through the pain, He will allow you to be broken, only to lead you out of hiding so His purposes can be fulfilled in and through your life. 

I remember the story of Jesus in Matthew 14 where He got news that His beloved cousin and fellow worker in the kingdom just got beheaded. Sometimes we forget how human Jesus was. Although He was the Son of God on earth, He still had human emotions. Having your friend, cousin, a partner in ministry die in the height of the ministry is no joke. He had to now deal with pain, grief, loss, and questions among others. And it’s only normal to go into hiding at this point as we read in this chapter that Jesus departed from the place He was in by boat to a deserted place. Now the word ‘deserted’ means to go into hiding. Yes, even Jesus had moments and times where He wanted to just be alone and go into hiding. Don’t beat yourself up if you are dealing with emotions of loneliness, grief, depression, etc. We all go through it. Jesus went into hiding to find some answers to His situation. He went into hiding to cry over the death of his cousin, John. He went into hiding to grieve and to vent all His feelings to His Father who was in heaven.

But what I love about this passage is that Jesus did not stay in hiding. He did not extend His stay in hiding beyond the necessary time that He needed to mourn. He did not wallow in doubt. The passage tells us that when Jesus saw the multitude that had followed Him to where He was, He began to move with compassion. What He saw reminded Him of His purpose. What He saw reminded Him of why He was on earth for. What He saw helped Him gain an eternal perspective rather than look through the eye of a temporary situation. What He saw caused Him to heal the sick. Wow. I love that ‘what we see’ is able to pull us out of hiding. What are you ‘seeing’ today? Do you see the issues in your marriage or the promise of your covenant? Do you see the disobedience of your children or your mandate to raise them as a mother? Do you see the financial cracks and issues in your family or the promise of heaven to meet all your needs according to His riches in glory? What do you see?

Come on now, change what you see because there are people in your world that need you now. As I began to  ‘see’ the reasons He placed me in a family where the spotlight was always on and the paths He led me to take even though some of the roads brought me pain and caused me to break, I began to also see the purpose behind the pain. I saw a ministry that would be birthed because of the brokenness. I saw the girls. I saw the marriages. I saw the mothers. Daughters and sisters. I saw. And I decided to come out of my hiding so that a generation of daughters will ARISE to their purpose and be answers to a generation without direction and purpose. Would you come out of your hiding? You are not alone.