See, I did not really understand the whole idea of marriage when I said ‘I Do’ to my handsome husband. I really thought I was ready and that I would make the perfect wife. I thought we would live happily ever after, like all my favourite Disney movies. I thought he would make the perfect husband. I thought many things and I dreamt many things. All perfect things, of course. I knew God had picked us for each other and He was watching over us. What I didn’t think, was how to be a wife, forget about the perfect wife. The idea of starting a marriage and beginning this new journey was so dreamy that I forgot to be praying for my husband and marriage. I forgot to be there for him when he needed to talk. Soon, the pressures of life came upon us and we didn’t know how to deal with it.

Many young couples are in this same situation. They get married, thinking that married life is going to be better than courtship but not knowing how to be there for each other. This is so, especially when we make mistakes. When we hurt each other with words and actions. They say that we often hurt the people we are the closest to. Sometimes, these actions can be real deep wounds to our spouse, when we do things that go against the boundaries of marriage. Or when we put others before our spouses, it can cause them pain. Then we soon forget the reason we got married in the first place. We seem to draw further away from each other, hardly communicating or even looking at each other in the eye, when we are supposed to be best friends.

I cannot speak on behalf of the husbands but I want to speak to you, if you are a wife. The first thing you have to realize and accept is that your marriage will not be perfect, so stop striving for that perfection. It can be better, it can grow and it can become all that God had said it could be, but not perfect. Why is that? It is simple because we are not perfect. We will never be perfect. You have to decide that you are going to love your husband anyway, in the midst of the imperfections. Be discerning toward your husband and the changes you see him go through. Try your best not to jump at the symptoms that you see. Pray for him instead. Divert your frustration and uncertainty towards praying for him rather than fighting with him. Sometimes, talking about it is not the answer but praying about it is. The most common mistake wives make is we are fighting with him when we should be praying for him. In their lowest point is when they need you to be standing for them in prayer but that’s the time we pounce, simply because we don’t understand why they are quiet, moody or depressed.

Some of you are harbouring secret hatred and anger towards your husbands because of the decisions made that have changed your life to be something you did not plan for. Maybe your husband made the decision to move towns or cities and because of that, you have lost friendships and relationships. Maybe it’s a position your husband decided to take that forced you to become visible and under scrutiny when you were invisible and comfortable all this while. Whatever the decisions that have been made by your husbands, good or bad, affect you. Many wives linger in the zone of anger because they are not satisfied with the consequences of those decisions but they had no choice except to go along. Well, just like you, your husbands will make great decisions and bad ones. The consequences will come in all shapes and sizes. But you can’t let these consequences dominate your life and how you feel about life. You need to get in your closet and begin praying. Yes, you heard me right. I know you’re thinking that the consequences are not going to change even after you pray. But you will. You will have a change of heart, because you had a place to release all that anger, frustration and everything else that was causing you to fall and grow weary. The consequences may not change, but you are stronger now. You are aligned once again. You see clearer even in the midst of the storm.

Marriage is putting in a lot of work and being selfless. It is really loving another as Christ has loved us. Unconditionally. Wholeheartedly. Purely. Marriage is not about what another can give you, but what you can give and do for the other. Marriage is about helping one another, pulling your spouse up when everyone else is keeping them down. Marriage is about not abandoning your spouse when everyone else is telling you to do that because is the right thing to do. Marriage is not about doing the right thing always, but about doing the most loving thing. The most important opinion in your marriage is God’s. There are many good intentions from people who love you and care about you but remember that the covenant you made with your husband was between you as a couple and God. He sees what others cannot see. He sees farther than what others can. He knows the end from the beginning, also the in-betweens. He knows. So go to Him, talk to Him, listen to Him and follow His counsel to you. If it was He Who joined you, it is He Who will keep you.

Marriage is one of life’s greatest blessings. Make it work.

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