“The Lord will fight your battles.”
“The Lord sees your heart.”
“The Lord is with you wherever you go.”

These words are supposed to bring a boost to my confidence – confidence to take on any challenges.
Amid uncertainties, these phrases should be our encouragement.
But somehow, the way I see reality blurs the eyes that see through faith. I look into my lack, my frailty, my singleness, my unrealized dreams – all these make me doubt all those encouragements I receive.

Why is that so? Why do I tend to believe what I see more than what the Word of God tells me?
1.Frustrations – saw myself dreamt and believed but somehow failed.

2.Oppositions – some people are difficult to please and are generally bent towards one’s destruction. Some are like that to me – or at least that’s how I felt.

3.Opinions – I am boxed-up into others’ opinions about me and I have somehow accepted and lived by it over time. I see myself conforming.

These three things boost much of my insecurities and doubt in myself – causing my inability to move forward and live to the fullest of how God created me to be. I felt so hurt and helpless without realizing that it was me who was inflicting hurt.
I have come to a point that I just want silence and to see nothing. I turn off the lights and sleep-off. But every time I wake, I hear and see the same. It makes me mad and it doesn’t feel good. I only see defeat. I was so desperate that I shut-off everything and isolated myself.
So thankful that that situation has made me more desperate for the voice of God that I dig in more into the Word of Truth, longing for His Voice to speak into my heart and receive affirmation.
True to His Word, ‘Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.’ (Jeremiah 33:3). He answered and strengthened my fainted heart. My hope and faith renewed by His amazing love. Also, He sent friends who reached out and gave words of encouragement. They refreshed my soul. Oh God, bless them – mightily!

I have learned that FELLOWSHIP is very much important in venturing into the unknown future.

Overcoming doubts and insecurities is impossible without the Holy Spirit. We would not understand what is in God’s heart without His revelation. No matter how much affirmation God gave to us through His Word, we would still not understand unless the Holy Spirit reveals it to us.

2.FELLOWSHIP with oneself
We are listening and accepting too much of what other people say about us to the point that we accept them as truth and live as one. We, however, should connect to ourselves rather than listen to the opinions of others. Know your needs, know your capabilities – the gifts and the skills God has entrusted to you for the purpose of your calling. These things, people cannot dispute. Why? Because it comes from God and going against you is going against God.

3.FELLOWSHIP with other people.
We need each other and we compensate for one another. We become frustrated because we do not connect to the right people who are gifted to the things we are frustrated about.

Living in fellowship with God, myself, and others changed my “uncertainties” to “awesome wonder and anticipation”. I have become more optimistic about what is to come – though I still do not know what lies ahead. Truly in every battle, He is the one who fights for me. When it seems that people overlook my efforts and good intentions, I know that God sees my heart and I need not any appreciation from men. And the moment when I feel alone, I remember that God is always with me and that He never leaves. I have learned in a much deeper sense about the presence of God and being in the midst of it.

To me now, there are no more uncertainties but awesome wonder and anticipation.